Make Me Up Mia: A Lifestyle & Beauty Blog: Just a latte on a Friday.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Just a latte on a Friday.

Eating Disorders Anorexia Orthorexia

I wish it was that simple. 

People with eating disorders often struggle with drinking their calories. I definitely have a problem with this. I love coffee, but I always make my drinks at home or stick to my trusty SKVL from Starbucks. I like having control & knowing what's in it. Since moving to downtown Tulsa though, I've really wanted to try some of what the awesome local coffee shops downtown have to offer. Easier said than done. 

My therapist gives me challenges, this time it's to try 1 latte a week in between our next meeting. When I'm on vacation or with friends, it's a lot easier ordering fun treats. When I'm on my own in my normal day to day routine, I always talk myself out of it. I decided today was the first day, even though I'm already a week and a half behind. No more talking myself out of it, it's Friday and I'm going for it. First up, Foolish Things Coffee Co. 

I'm standing at the counter waiting to place my order and a women comes up to the counter beside me, checking out the yummy treats displayed. She strikes up a conversation with me.

Lady: "That Golden Graham s'mores bar could feed 4 people, did you see this?!"
Me: "Yeah it's pretty big, looks delicious though"
Lady: "It does. Golden Grahams were my favorite cereal as a kid. I haven't had cereal since I was 14!"
Me: "Oh gosh really, you should totally go for it!" 
Lady: "Can you imagine how many calories are in that thing though, probably like a thousand"
Me: "Yeah, but you can share it. It won't kill you, if you're craving it, go for it!" 
Lady: "My business partner who's over at the table with me would be shocked if I came back with that. We own a fitness company. She'd definitely make me do extra burpees for that."
Me: "It's not a big deal, you should go for it!"
Lady: "You're right, I'm getting it!"

I place my order. A 12 oz iced latte with some of their homemade vanilla syrup. Full fat milk & not sugar free syrup, big deal for me but I've got this. I'm going to enjoy this.

Lady steps up to the counter and orders. "You know what, I've totally changed my order. I'll take an iced latte with almond milk and lavender syrup." I guess she just couldn't do it. 

My order then took about 15 minutes and I was going to be late if I didn't hit the road quickly, they tell me it was coming in less than a minute. They called my name and handed me a hot latte. I ordered iced, but I'm out of time. I take it and quickly head to work, not even sure if I'm going to be on time now. (I HATE being late!) 

So many thoughts were running through my mind during this 45 min time span on this Friday morning in August. I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell this lady the significance of this latte order for me, tell her to please just stop & enjoy the cereal bar. Tell her she is saying everything to me I'm so desperately trying to forget. I felt anxiety. I felt defeated in that moment. I was stressed because I was watching the clock, and then running late. I was bummed after all of that, my order was wrong. So many emotions. 

BUT, I refuse to let the devil take over this moment. He tried, he tried to ruin it for me but I will not allow it. I was driving almost 80 mph hour on the way to work, praying the whole time. Yeah, praying for safety and to not see a cop... but mostly that these feelings would quickly be replaced with happiness and love. Praying for peace & strength, to not let this morning discourage me in anyway. I'm sitting here enjoying my latte now, thinking about where #2 is going to come from :)

Happy Friday. I hope you're enjoying a yummy treat today. 

17 comments:

  1. So often it seems like when you're doing something hard or challenging, other things go wrong to make the challenge even bigger. I'm so glad that you were able to go through with your order and made it to work & enjoyed your latte. So proud of you Mia!

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  2. Girlfriend... I so appreciate your honesty on this. I have so many issues with food/calories/exercise & its such an inner struggle. How just a simple trip into Starbucks can lead into a mind bending event... I get it. I hope your day was soon turned around.
    Praying you enjoy a treat yourself this weekend

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  3. You rock!! I hope you let yourself enjoy & you're taking the advice you wanted to give to the woman yourself!! Sometimes we just have to listen to our own words & advice. Proud of you!!

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  4. SO proud of you sweet friend! Sending you happy thoughts + joy on this Friday! Xx

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  5. I think that this just shows you how strong you are, to stick to your order even though someone was trying to drag you down. I hope you enjoyed every last sip of that latte and I cant wait to hear where your next one comes from!!!

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  6. Wow friend. You have a way with words. This is so beautiful written. I love your vulnerability. Way to take a stance and defeat the enemy!Only if those around us truly knew what we were going through on any given day. Proud of you

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  7. Awe Mia, you did so good! That's not your fault! You are doing so good with all of this. And I love how your therapist challenges you. That is such a great excersize to help you with. I love seeing posts pop up from u again. :)

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  8. good for you for getting it girl. i know its hard but it's a huge step! i'm sorry that lady with the fitness company ruined it for you.. i truly hope this isn't the same for you, but almost 15 years later i still see calories when i look at things. the difference is now, i eat it no matter what that voice says. but seriously, congrats - it might seem small (and at the same time huge like you can't possibly go past this!) but small baby steps are the only way to get there.

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